November 2024 – J. Douglas Counselor

Communication Dangers

Posted on November 21, 2024March 25, 2025 by creatingloverelationships_0xbehf

If you are really wanting to develop good communication skills, there are some things you need to know that will hinder and/or destroy your ability to communicate in a way that the other person will be able to receive your message. Let’s look at some of the things you need to avoid.

DEMANDING VS REQUESTING.

There will be times you will need to request something you need. But when your request turns into a demand, you have now let the other person know that you don’t care how he or she feels. Your demand has just cut off communication lines. A demand is no longer asking if the person can meet your need, but you are telling them that they have no right to refuse you. Communication has ended and major withdrawals from the love bank has taken place.

Demands also make it less likely that the other person will ever want to meet that need. If you force them to meet the demand now, you are giving a strong signal that you’re unconcerned about their feelings or concerns. And if you’re going to be self-centered in this request, what other areas will you abuse them next.

A wiser approach would be to ask, ‘I’m really needing help with a situation I’m dealing with and I could really use your help. Do you have time now or when would be a good time for you to help me?” This approach shows you desire help from them and also allows them to help when it is convenient.

Make sure your request has a set time, for whatever it is, to be completed. If not specific, their idea of helping could be days later. And the request needs to be specific. For instance, if you just ask for help around the house, the other person may not be able to help if it is something they have no knowledge about. And the person receiving the request, needs to be specific as to why they may need to wait to help.

DISRESPECT

I have never met anyone who enjoyed being disrespected. This is one way to shut down all healthy communication. And some people seem to be unaware of how they can disrespect others. Something as simple as rolling your eyes to a statement, can destroy any further communication for the evening.

What if you don’t respect the other person opinion? You can state your opinion without being disrespectful. And first, tell the other person what you just heard them say to make sure you heard what they were saying. Then clearly state why you believe what you do. There will be many times you will disagree with others, but you can agree to disagree. Never say anything that’s disrespectful.

Proverbs 15:1 – “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Attacking a person’s thoughts, opinions or character is uncalled for. That includes your response to someone who has just attacked you verbally. Never allow anyone to cause you to respond in a disrespectful way. You are in charge of y our response and it should come from a heart of love, not destruction. If you need to, tell them you need to take a time out before you continue the conversation. Never give anyone the power over your words or feelings.

When you respond in the same manner as the person treated you, you are now escalating the situation. And escalation can often lead to very serious negative consequences. And often both individuals may feel sorry for their actions and words later, but they may never be forgotten. And a time out is wise before escalation leads to destructive consequences. And this is a good time to ask yourself if this conversation will be putting deposits in the other persons ‘love bank’ or making withdrawals that could destroy the relationship.

ANGER

Anger is always intended to be hurtful. Proverbs 29:11 – “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” And in Ephesians 4:26 we read, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” One author says that when people are angry, they are experiencing temporary insanity. Angry outbursts have no place in anyone’s life. And this is especially true in a marriage. Your spouse deserves a relationship of protection, care and love.

Too often, people will respond to anger by withdrawing emotionally or physically. No further healthy communication will take place.

BRINGING UP THE PAST

One of the greatest mistakes you can do is to keep bringing up a hurt from the past. If you have dealt with the past and have forgiven the other person for the pain you experienced, you should never bring it up again. You should have learned from it and now you will go on. Once God has forgiven us, He never brings it up again. The Bible says there is now, no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. It is not your job to play the ‘blame game’ or to keep reminding the other person of how much they hurt you. Get help! Find someone to help you deal with the pain and ask God to help you with a spirit of forgiveness. Most people I have worked with are sincerely heartbroken over their mistake or sin that has caused pain.

In our next time together, we will be looking at a technique to help us develop strong communication. This technique is found in a book titled, “Fighting for Your Marriage” by Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Stanley and Susan L. Blumberg. I highly recommend that you buy this book as it is a great tool to enhance your marriage.

The Genie

Posted on November 20, 2024 by creatingloverelationships_0xbehf

A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn’t see anyone, so he opened the bottle. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said,” I am so grateful to get out of the bottle that I will grant you one wish. I can only grant one.”

The man thought for a while and finally said, “I have always wanted to go to Hawaii. I’ve never been able to go because I cannot fly. Airplanes are much too frightening for me. On a boat, I see all the water and I become very claustrophobic. So, I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii.”

The genie thought for a few minutes and finally said, “No I don’t think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved. Consider all the piling needed to hold up a highway and how deep they would have to go to reach the bottom of the ocean. Imagine all the pavement needed. No, that’s just too much to ask.”

Well, the man thought for a few minutes and then told the genie, “There is one other thing I’ve always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with. Basically, what makes them tick.”

The genie considered for a few minutes and said, “So do you want two lanes or four?”

For Women Only

Posted on November 20, 2024 by creatingloverelationships_0xbehf

Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobic class pulls a hamstring.

Women over 50 don’t have babies, because they would put them down and forget where they left them.

One of life’s mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.

The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, “You know, sometimes I forget to eat.” Now I’ve forgotten my address, my mother’s maiden name, and my keys. But I’ve never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

A friend of mine confused her Valium whether birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn’t really care.

They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn’t all that communicative, but I heard from it the other day after I said, “Body, how’d you like to go to a 6:00 o’clock class in vigorous toning?” Clear as a bell my body said, “Do it and die.”

The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing… and then they marry him.

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.

I know what Victoria’s Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.

If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?

Motivational

Posted on November 20, 2024 by creatingloverelationships_0xbehf

There was a boy by the name Steve who was attending college where Brother Christianson taught seminary. He had an open-door policy and would take in any student who had been thrown out of another class as long as they would abide by his rules. Steve had been kicked out of his 6thperiod, and other teacher wanted him, so he went into Brother Christianson’s seminary class.

Steve was told that he could not be late, so he arrived just seconds before the bell rang and he would sit in the very back of the room. He would also be the first to leave after the class was over.

One day, Brother Christianson asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk with him. After class, Brother Christianson pulled Steve aside and said, “You think you’re pretty tough, don’t you?” Steve’s answer was, “Yeah, I do. Then Brother Christianson asked, “How many push-ups can you do?” Steve said, “I do about 200 every night.” “200? That’s pretty good Steve. Do you think you can do 300?” Steve replied, “I don’t know, I’ve never done 300 at a time.” “Do you think you could?” again asked Brother Christianson. “Well, I can try.” “Can you do 300 in sets of ten? I need you to do three hundred in sets of ten for this to work. Can you, do it? I need you to tell me you can do it.” Steve said, “Well, I think I can. Yeah, I can do it”

Brother Christianson said, “Good! I need you to do this on Friday.”

Friday came and Steve got to class early and set in the front of the room. When class started, Brother Christianson pulled out a big box of donuts. Now these weren’t the normal kinds of donuts. They were the extra fancy BIG kind with cream centers and frosting swirls. Everyone was pretty excited. It was Friday, the last class of the day, and they were going to get an early start on the weekend.

Brother Christianson went to the 1st girl, in the 1st row, and asked, “Cynthia do you want a donut?” Cynthia said, “Yes.” Brother Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, “Steve, would you do ten pushups so that Cynthia can have a doughnut?” Steve said, “Sure,” and jumped down from his desk to do a quick ten. Then Steve again sat in his desk. Brother Christianson put a donut on Cynthia’s desk.

Brother Christianson there went to Joe, the next person, and asked Joe, “Do you want a doughnut?” Joe said, “Yes”. Brother Christianson asked, “Steve would you do ten push-ups so Joe can have a doughnut?” Steve did 10 pushups; Joe got a doughnut.

And so it went, down the first aisle, Steve did 10 pushups for every person before they got their donuts and down the second aisle, until Brother Christianson came to Scott. Scott was captain of the football team center of the basketball team. He was very popular and never lacking for female companionship. When brother Christianson asked Scott if he wanted a doughnut, Scott asked if he could do his own pushups. Brother Christianson said, “No, Steve has to do them.” Then Scott said, “Well I don’t want one then.”

Brother Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, “Steve, would you do 10 pushups so Scott can have a donut he doesn’t want?” Steve started to do 10 pushups. Scott said, “Hey! I said I didn’t want one!” Brother Christianson said, “Look this is my classroom, my class, my desk and my doughnuts. Just leave it on the desk if you don’t want it.” And he put a doughnut on Scott’s desk.

Now by this time, Stephen began to slow down a little. He just stayed on the floor between sets because it took too much effort to be getting up and down. You could start to see a little perspiration coming out around his brow.

Brother Christianson started down the 3rd row. Now the students were beginning to get a little angry. Brother Christianson asked Jenny, “Jenny, do you want a donut?” Jenny said, “No.” Then Brother Christianson asked Steve, “Would you do 10 pushups so Jenny can have a doughnut that she doesn’t want?” Steve did 10, Jenny got a donut.

By now, the students were beginning to say “No” and there were all these uneaten doughnuts on the desk. Steve was also having to really put forth a lot of effort to get these pushups done for each doughnut. There began to be a small pole of sweat on the floor beneath his face; his arms and brow were beginning to get red because of the physical effort involved.

Brother Christianson asked Robert to watch Steve to make sure he did 10 pushups in a set because he couldn’t bear to watch all of Steve’s work for all of those uneaten donuts. So, Robert began to watch Steve closely.

Brother Christianson started down the 4th row. During his class, however, some students had wandered in and sat along the heaters along the sides of the room. When Brother Christianson realized this; he did a quick count and saw 34 students in the room. He started to worry if Steve would be able to make it.

Brother Christianson went on to the next person and the next and the next. Near the end of that row, Steve was really having a rough time. He was taking a lot more time to complete each set. Steve asked Brother Christensen if he had to make his nose touch on each one. Brother Christianson thought for a minute. “Well, they’re your pushups. You can do them any way you want.” And Brother Christianson went on.

A few moments later, Jason came to the room and was about to come in when all students yelled, “NO! Don’t come in! Stay out!” Jason didn’t know what was going on. Steve picked up his head and said, “No, let him come.” Brother Christianson said, “You realize that if Jason comes in you have to do 10 pushups for him.” Steve said, “Yes, let him come in.” Brother Christianson said, “Ok I’ll let you get Jason’s out of the way right now. Jason, do you want a donut?” “Yes.” “Steve, will you do ten pushups so that Jason can have a doughnut?” Steve did 10 pushups very slowly and with great effort. Jason, bewildered, was handed a donut and set down.

Brother Christianson finished a 4th row, then started on those seated on the heaters. Steve’s arms were now shaking with each push up in a struggle to lift himself against the force of gravity. Sweat was dropping off his face and by this time there was not a dry eye in the room.

The very last two girls in the room were cheerleaders and very popular. Brother Christianson went to Linda, the 2nd to last, and asked, “Linda do you want a doughnut?” Linda said, very sadly, “No, thank you.”

Brother Christianson asked Steve if he would do 10 pushups so Linda could have a doughnut she doesn’t want. Grunting from the effort, Steve did ten very slow pushups for Linda. Then Brother Christianson turned to, the last girl Susan. “Susan, do you want a donut?” Susan with tears flowing down her face, asked, Brother Christianson, “Can I help him?”

Brother Christianson, with tears of his own, said, “No, he has to do it alone. Steve, would you do ten pushups so Susan can have a donut?” Steve very slowly finished his last pushups with the understanding that he had accomplished all that was required of him, having done 350 pushups, his arms buckled beneath him, and he fell to the floor.

Brother Christianson turned to the room and said, “And so it was, that our Savior, Jesus Christ, plead to the Father, ‘Into your hands, I commend my spirit.

‘With the understanding that He had done everything that was required of Him, He collapsed on the cross and died. And like some of those in this room, many of us leave the gift on the desk, uneaten.

Man Rules

Posted on November 20, 2024November 20, 2024 by creatingloverelationships_0xbehf

At last, a guy’s taking the time to write this all down.

Finally, the guy’s side of the story. We always hear ‘the rules’ from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note, these are all numbered ‘1’ ON PURPOSE!

Men are NOT mind readers.

Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up and you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining when you leave it down.
1. Sunday sports: It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments
become Null and Void after seven days.
If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways; and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done. Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit,
not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing’, we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know
you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question, you don’t want an answer to; Expect an answer you don’t want to
hear.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…..Really.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you
know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Kid’s Theology

Posted on November 20, 2024 by creatingloverelationships_0xbehf

Dear God, please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now. Amanda

Dear God, thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for was a puppy. I never sked for anything before. You can look it up. Joyce

Dear Mr. God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart. I had to have 3 stiches and a shot. Janet

Dear God, if we come back as somebody else, please don’t let me be Jennifer Horton – because I hate her. Denise

God, I read the Bible. What does begat mean? Nobody will tell me. Love, Alison

Dear God, how did you know you were God? Who told you? Harlene

Dear God, is it true my father won’t get in Heaven if he uses his golf words in the house? Anita

Dear God, I bet it’s very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family, and I can never do it. Nan

Dear God, did you really mean, do unto others as they do unto you? If you did, then, I’m going to get even with my brother. Darla

Dear God, I love the story about Noah the best of all of them. You really made up some good ones. I like walking on water, too. Glenn

Dear God, my grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back do you go? Love Dennis

Dear God, do you draw the lines around the countries? If you don’t, who does? Nan

Dear God, It’s OK that you made different religions, but don’t you get mixed up sometimes? Arnold

Dear God, did you mean for giraffes to look like that or was it an accident? Norma

Dear God, in Bible times, did they really talk that fancy? Jennifer

Dear God, what does it mean you are a jealous God? I thought you had everything you wanted. Jane

Dear God, how come you did all those miracles in the old days and don’t do any now? Billy

Dear God, please send Dennis Clark to a different summer camp this year. Peter

Dear God, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they each had their own rooms. It works our OK with me and my brother. Larry

Dear God, I keep waiting for spring, but it never did come yet. What’s up? Don’t forget. Mark

Dear God, you don’t have to worry about me. I always look both ways before I cross the street. Dean

Dear God, my brother told me about how you were born, but it just doesn’t sound right. What do you say? Marsha

Dear God, if you watch in church on Sunday, I will show you my new shoes. Barbara

Dear God, is Reverend Coe a friend of yours? Or do you just know him through the business? Donnie

Dear God, In Sunday school, they told us what you do for a job. Who does it when you’re on vacation? Jane

Dear God, in school, we read the Thomas Edison made light, but in Sunday school they said you did it first. Did he steal your ideas? Sincerely, Donna

Dear God, I do not think anybody could be a better God than you. Well, I just want you to know that. I’m not just saying that because you are already God. Charles

Dear God, it is great the way you always get the stars in the right place. Why can’t you do that with the moon? Jeff

Dear God, I’m doing the best I can. Really. Frank

Dear God, I didn’t think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday night. That was really cool. Carol

Brain Transplant

Posted on November 11, 2024 by creatingloverelationships_0xbehf

Brain Transplant

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, with a family member like gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. “I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,” he said as he surveyed the wording faces. “The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It’s an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.”

“Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourself.” The family members set silent as they absorb the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, “Well, how much does a brain cost?” The doctor quickly responded, “$5000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain.”

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the woman, but some actually smirked! A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, “Why is the male brain so much more?”

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, “It’s just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains because they’re used.”

The W.C.

Posted on November 11, 2024 by creatingloverelationships_0xbehf

The W.C.

An English lady, while visiting in Switzerland, was looking for a room, and she asked the schoolmaster if he could recommend one. He took her to see several rooms, and when everything was settled, the lady returned home to make final preparations to move. When she arrived home, the thought occurred to her that she had not seen a W..C in the place.( A W.C. is a water closet or a bathroom). So, she immediately wrote a note to the schoolmaster asking him if there was a W..C in the place. The schoolmaster was a very poor student in English so he asked the parish priest if he could help in the matter. Together they tried to find a meaning of the letters W C. The only solution they could find for the letters was “Wayside Chapel”. So the schoolmaster then wrote the following letter to the English lady:

My dear lady:

I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is situated nine miles from the house in the center of a beautiful Grove of pine trees surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people, and is open on Sundays and Thursdays only.

As there are a great number of people expected during the summer months, I suggest that you come early, although usually there is plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation, especially if you are in the habit of going regularly. It may be of some interest to know that my daughter was married in the WC and it was there that she met her husband. I can remember the rush there was for seats. There were 10 people at every seat usually occupied by one. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces.

You will be glad to hear that a good number of people bring their lunch and make a day of it while those who can afford to go by car, arrive just in time. I would especially recommend your ladyship to go on Thursday when there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere.

The newest edition is a bell donated by a wealthy resident of the district. It rings every time a person enters. The bazaar is to be held to provide for plush seats for all, since the people feel it is long needed. My wife is rather delicate so she cannot attend on a regular basis. It is almost a year since she last went, and naturally it pains her very much not to be able to go more often.

I shall be delighted to reserve the best seat for you, where you shall be seen by all. For the children, there’s a special day and time so that they do not disturb the elders. Hoping to be of some service to you.

The Schoolmaster

Wisdom of the Soul

Posted on November 6, 2024 by creatingloverelationships_0xbehf

No one can ruin your day without YOUR permission.

Most people will be about as happy, as they decide to be.

Others can stop you temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.

Whatever you’re willing to put up with, is exactly what you will have.

Success stops when you do.

When your ship comes in… make sure you are willing to unload it.

You will never” have it all together.”

Life is a journey… not a destination. Enjoy the trip!

The biggest lie on the planet: “When I get what I want, I will be happy.”

The best way to escape your problem, is to solve it.

I’ve learned that ultimately ‘takers’ lose and ‘givers’ win.

Life’s precious moments don’t have value, unless they are shared.

If you don’t start, it’s certain you won’t arrive.

We often fear the things we want the most.

Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you have to say. Best friends listen to what you don’t say!

Yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.

Look for opportunities… not guarantees.

Life is what is coming… not what was.

Success is getting up, one more time.

Now, is the most interesting time of all.

When things go wrong… don’t go with them.

Sometimes, the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.

God can mend all broken hearts… you just have to give him all the pieces.

A person who asked a question might seem to be a fool for 5 minutes, but a person who doesn’t ask, is a fool forever.

A best friend is like a 4 leaf clover… hard to find, and lucky to have.

A friend is someone who reaches for your hand, but touches your heart.

I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.

Eyes are placed in front, because it is more important to look ahead than to look behind.

By J Douglas

Communication part 3

Posted on November 6, 2024March 25, 2025 by creatingloverelationships_0xbehf

Her Diary:

Dear diary, tonight I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong; he said “Nothing.” I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say,” I love you too.” When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep- I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

His Diary:

Boat wouldn’t start, can’t figure out why.

I have had so many women ask, “Why won’t my husband talk to me?” And one answer is, men do not seem to have as great a need for conversation as women do. Women can enjoy conversation, just for conversations sake. They can spend hours just talking to friends or family. While men rarely call each other just to talk.

I remember the many fishing trips I’ve taken with another guy and when I got home, my wife asked me what we talked about or how is his wife. I never went on the trip to find out how his wife was and talking does not catch fish. We could ride for hours and not say more than 10 words. And once we arrived at the fishing hole, we only talked about who caught the first fish, who would catch the most and the biggest.

Women often wonder why, when they were dating, the guy would talk to them about their life and their family. Probably because he wanted to get to know her. And finding out about her family, is important in knowing more about her background and understanding more about her programming. Also, the more he knows about her, the more he will learn about how to attract her.

Then they get married! Now, this is not always true but, once he has convinced her to marry him and they get married, he doesn’t seem to need the conversation time with her. He set out to win her, or maybe in an unconscious way, to conquer the prize he wanted and now that they are married, he doesn’t have to work on it anymore. Now he is looking for a new prize to gain or capture. Often this will be his career, a hobby or something to save money for, like a boat, car or a new set of golf clubs.

He fails to understand that his willingness to spend time, in intimate conversation, was a major reason she became so attracted to him. With this now removed from her daily life, he is making withdrawals from her love bank (see podcast on love bank). And he has no idea that he is risking losing her love. And also, he is not realizing that he is making her very vulnerable to a guy who is willing to spend time in conversation with her. And while that relationship just starts with conversation, it may lead to an affair.

Because females are relational creatures, they want to spend their life with a man who cares deeply about her and for her. They want to be known by him and to know him. That only comes in time through intimate conversation. And it doesn’t stop after marriage. It must be a daily.

Willard Harley, in his book, His Needs, Her Needs, says to find out how much time a couple should spend together in intimate conversation, he did a study with couples who were in love. He worked with couples who were dating, couples who had maintained romantic love while married and couples having affairs. For those who maintained their love for each other, they scheduled time to be together almost every day. And the time spent each week was almost always over fifteen hours. And the primary purpose of that time was to engage in intimate conversation.

Now I know what you’re thinking. With your schedule, that is impossible. And most women would be happy for her husband to spend 10 minutes a day. But guys, how much time did you spend giving your wives undivided attention when you were dating? And ladies, if you married a guy that never gave you undivided attention while you were dating, then why did you marry him?

And both men and women need to look at the time they spend in other activities and decide what their priorities are. You should always be asking the question, “Is what I do or say putting deposits in the Love Bank account or making withdrawals?” The undivided time you gave each other while dating, was making deposits into each other’s Love Bank accounts. How can you continue building those accounts?

For those who decide they don’t have the time to spend with each other, they risk losing their feeling of love for each other. When the woman no longer senses her husband’s care to give her the intimacy, she needs in communication and affection, she will lose all desire to meet his need for sexual fulfillment.

So, men, just as sexual fulfillment is a need and not just a desire, you must understand that a women’s need for intimate conversation is also a need and not just a desire.

We will continue our information on communication next time as we look at heading into the ‘danger zone’. By J Douglas