GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED
No matter how hard to try, you can’t baptize cats
When your mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair
If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person
Never ask your three-year-old brother to hold a tomato
You can’t trust dogs to watch your food
Reading what people write on desk can teach you a lot
Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair
Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a tic-tac
School lunches stick to the wall
You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk
Don’t wear polka dot underwear under white shorts
The best place to be when you’re sad, is in Grandpa’s lap
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED
Raising teenagers is like nailing Jello to a tree.
There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look. for example, I’m sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.
One reason to smile is that every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
Car sickness is a feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.
Families are like Fudge, mostly sweet with a few nuts.
Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
Laughing helps. it’s just jogging on the inside.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not for the toy.
My mind not only wonders: sometimes it leaves completely.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GETTING OLD
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
Perhaps you know why women over 50 don’t have babies. They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
One of life’s mysteries is how a 2-pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.
Every time I think about exercise, I lie down till the thought goes away.
God put me on Earth the accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I’m so far behind I will live forever.
It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.
Time may be a great healer, but it also so lousy beautician.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
Amazing! you just hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes.
Inside, some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.